So I watched Frozen, and well… let me start off by saying I liked it overall. I liked the animation, I liked the setting, I liked the snowman. However, there was something that I didn’t like, and that one thing was pretty f-ing important: the main premise of the movie.
The movie opens with the younger sister, Anna, sneaking into Elsa’s room to play. They’re maybe 6 and 8 years old now. The two girls creep downstairs to a large ballroom where you see that Elsa has ice powers. And I don’t mean she makes it snow a little; she looks like she just graduated from X-Men academy. She shoots ice beams that create pillars of snow and ice sculptures and other wonders, showing to the audience that she is not only gifted, but talented with her power. Things turn bad when Elsa slips on the ice, her sister falls, and Elsa shoots her in the brain with ice magic.
|Fear leads to Anger…
This is fine; I have no problem with magic in movies. I do have a problem with the next two scenes. The family rushes into the woods to meet with a family of trolls (still fine) and the shaman troll explains the problem. He removes the memory of magic from Anna’s brain (kinda dumb, but whatever, it’s magic) which cures her. He then (here we go) explains that Elsa needs to learn how to
control her powers, or fear will take over and she will become evil. The troll uses troll magic to show Elsa this in horrifying Brother’s Grimm storytelling fashion.
Before I go on, I’d like to point out that, in the ice-magic scene, Elsa’s accidentally hurting Anna has far more to do with Anna’s recklessness and Elsa simply slipping on ice than it does on Elsa’s ability to control her powers or her fear of them.
Anyway, Elsa’s parents decide that they don’t want her to become evil and come up with a plan.
Action Plan to Save Elsa:
Step 1: Fire all the castle staff except those essential for day-to-day functions.
Step 2: Close and lock all windows and doors.
Step 3: Quarantine the daughters to the castle and isolate them from each other.
Step 4: Teach Elsa that her magic is bad, brainwash her to deny that she has this within herself, and make her wear gloves since she is dirty.
Step 5: Keep Anna in the dark about all of this so that she thinks her sister and best friend has abandoned her, and refuses to even speak to her for unknown reasons.
I’d also be remiss if I didn’t point out that these parents aren’t portrayed as cartoon villains. This isn’t Daddy Jaffar and Mommy Cruella. No, they are presented to us as sane, loving parents.
Luckily, these parents die.
Elsa and Anna are 15 and 13 ish at this point. I’m estimating this based off of the fact that Elsa’s coronation happened when she, “came of age,” (I hope that just means she turned 18) and the movie tells us that three years pass between these two events.
Now, in these three years, one would expect the sisters say, “F- this, lets do something!” They do not. And we know that they don’t because Anna’s song exclaims her excitement about opening the windows and doors for the first time in forever. Have these teenagers not spoken to people in three years? Who knows?! Someone had to have been keeping the place running, so I’m sure they’ve seen someone, but that someone sure doesn’t seem to be important in their lives.
Anna’s song about the upcoming coronation signals the beginning of Act Two, where by all rights, we should be watching a horror movie. The outline of Carrie reads suspiciously similar to Frozen. (Btw, check out my new comedy podcast pilot,Redux Redo
, where we talk about Carrie.)
A child in isolation has powers that she doesn’t understand. Her parent(s) are abusive (yes, in different ways) and afraid of her. These powers are revealed in a public and humiliating way, causing
her to unleash her powers on a large population.
Which movie did I just describe? Both of them. The only difference is that Carrie’s story stops there, While Elsa and Anna’s continues.
Any conflict that occurs through the rest of the movie exists purely because of Elsa and Anna’s shitty, dead parents. This fact made me so angry that I kept getting pulled out of the movie, which is a shame because the rest of it is pretty good.
Maybe I’m a jerk. This movie has made more money than some countries and has received acclaim from every critic ever. The songs are decent and the voice acting is great. That first act though, sucks.